Thursday, September 22, 2005

Well, I did it...

I abandoned my daughter at preschool this morning. It was NOT an auspicious beginning. She didn't want to wake up at 7:15 to get ready to go (seeing as how she's used to sleeping in until 9). She didn't want to eat breakfast. We managed to get a half cup of applesauce in her and nothing else. She didn't want to get in the car. It was too cold. While driving in the car, the sun was shining right in her eyes, which always makes her cranky.

I knew that things might get iffy when she wanted me to pick her up right as we reached the doors to the school. I carried her down the hall to her classroom, and luckily we were the first ones there. The classroom assistant was already there, and the guide arrived right after we did. I put Sydney down, and she immediately started trying to climb back up my leg. When we went to new parent orientation, they warned us all about this kind of thing, but it's still SO hard when it's your baby doing it... The guide was trying to distract her with promises of painting and playing with the shapes she'd used during our visit on Tuesday. No dice. She started screaming "Want to take Mommy! Want to take Mommy!" The assistant gave me what I took to be a reassuring smile and sort of maneuvered me out the door, which she then shut. I could hear Sydney screaming as I stumbled down the hall, assuring myself that they're experts and she'll be fine. She won't have abandonment issues that will require years of therapy as an adult...

There are so many things I worry about. What if she doesn't get along with the guide, or the other kids? Will they expect too much from her on the potty front? What if she can't get her pants back up? I took a look at the toilets this morning, and they're pretty big - what if she can't manage them on her own? She still uses her little potty seat at home... What if she gets hungry, since she didn't eat any breakfast? What if she just won't settle down and stop crying? I know that she'll be fine, and she's not the first two-year-old to ever attend that school, but it's such a big step and she's still sooooo little.

I was going to take a pre-first-day picture this morning, but forgot in our rush to get out the door on time. I'll be sure to take a post-first-day pic this afternoon and post it, along with a full report.

The only other thought on my mind this morning is - Knit Picks, where the heck is my yarn???


Blogger Laura said...

Ooh, I am full of sympathy. We have no separation issues yet with preschool, but it's bound to happen sometime. It's painful, I know. I will look forward to hearing how Sydney's day went. Usually, they say, the kids pipe down as soon as the moms are gone.

10:12 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

Oh, my heart just breaks thinking about her! I don't know how you managed . . . but in my opinion, hard as it was this morning, she is going to benefit so much from pre-school. You did the right thing for Sydney (even when you probably wanted to scoop her up and run back home) and should be very proud of yourself and of her!

10:49 AM  
Blogger keohinani said...

omg, i'd be absolutely terrified in your shoes. i can only imagine what being a parent on the first day of preschool feels like. i imagine i'd have the same worries you do. but be strong! i'm sure she'll adjust fairly well. and i would relish this kind of memory; by the time she's a teen, she probably won't be saying "want to take Mommy!"
my mom said that when i started preschool, i didn't put up a fight. in fact, it was just the opposite. once she took me to the classroom, all she got was a "bye, mom!" and i was gone. my brothers put her through the wringer with the leg clinging, crying, wailing--the whole bit. they turned out alright...i guess. hehe...

11:08 AM  
Blogger candsmom said...

Just thinking about it makes me tear up. It must have been the hardest thing in the world to walk away hearing your baby cry. I'm filled with dread just thinking about my son going to preschool next year, so I can only imagine what today must have been like for you. Not to mention the string of bad events in the a.m. to exacerbate the situation. When I read your worries about the potty, I REALLY started to tear up. My son's tiny for his age, so I could so relate to your feelings. You're a good mom, and she won't need therapy as an adult. :) It may take time, but I'm sure she'll adjust over the next week, and as they always say, I really do think it's harder on the parents. My heart goes out to you!!

12:01 PM  
Blogger mamma said...

I can assure you from years of working in child care that once they realize Mom is really gone they find another way to occupy their time.
I also know on the Mommy end of it how heart wrenching it is to leave them. Once when Pork Chop was two I took her to daycare (my husband usually took her in the mornings) and when she cried I just packed her up and took her to work with me. I couldn't leave her. You're so strong. She'll be fine, and so will you.

2:08 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

It must have torn your heart out to hear your daughter crying for you. I'm sure it'll get better as she makes friends at school and starts to look forward to playing and being with them.

At least she didn't do what my brother did. Apparently, my mom dropped him off at school a few days after they had been going in together. She was suspicious that all did not go as planned so she swung back around. She went in to make sure he went to the room where she had taken him to many times before, only he wasn't there. He was hiding out in the hall underneath the staircase!

10:30 PM  

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